Happy Easter

Well I'm back - took a small hiatus thinking I would wait to blog again on a different computer which I have yet to buy.    Damn tax season!

It's Easter Sunday morning and I sit here by myself (happy about that), thinking about Easter, and what it is that causes such celebration.    It seems everyone (well almost) celebrates Easter, even though they are not religious.    Christians celebrate the rising of Jesus Christ.   Non religious people, I think, celebrate spring and a little extra time to be with family.    In essence, spring is a re-birth of the earth as it wakes back up after a long cold winter. 

As I think about this, I realize that this is what this blog is about - it's about waking up after a long and cold winter (or many winters as life would have it), and being re-born.     Truly it is setting the "re-set button" and giving oneself permission to come back to life (or fight for your life).

I saw this on Pinterest yesterday and it really resonated with me:

There is a hymm in the Catholic religion (since it's Easter and all) that says, "Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me, and I will give you  rest."     Not to get too religious here, because I'm not, this message is one of trust that everything will work out, have faith that it will, and once you have faith that it will, you can be at peace.    

Happy Easter to you - may you have peace and enjoy the re-birth of the world.

Hugs,



Calmer. A little saner. And 10 frackin' cm of snow!

Work was crazy today.    With everything going on at home, I have been dropping the ball at work more and more.   Nothing drives me crazy more than when I drop the ball, and it's gets exposed.   Argghhh, I pride myself in doing good work for Pete's sake.  But there really is only so much room in the noggin'.

Did I tell you that in the last 8 weeks, I've had a flood in the basement, was in a car accident in which they wrote the car off (which brought me Paulina the Prius - thank you Universe), and am going through a separation.  And my work is the craziest it's ever been.   Whew - I have anxiety just thinking about it.

But you know - the Universe works in mysterious ways.  I think that all of this was happening to me so that I would sit up and listen.     Clearly I've been ignoring the big U in the sky, and, well, U has been pounding at my door.    I am listening 'Uni' - you can give me break now svp!

Expecting 10 cm of snow in the next two days.  Oh joy.  Oh bliss.     My Paulina hasn't seen this kind of weather - I will have to take good care of her tomorrow. 

K, must toddle of to bed. 
Night night,
Hugs and kisses (ya right!)

Susan

F*ck everything that doesn't make you happy - love this.

Oh ya!!!!

Hugs,

Feeling powerful. YES!!!

Hello.     Happy Sunday morning and it is now, in fact, St. Patrick's Day (see previous post on my thoughts around it).

Came back home this morning and was met at the door by the "X" who said hello.  I chose not to acknowledge him.   Ya, ya, I know it sounds passive aggressive.   I'm aware, I own it, and, truly, at this point, don't care much.    I am going to mind map him out of this house, and out of my life.   Are you familiar with mind mapping.  Very powerful.   Google it now.

Before he left for his ski instructor "job" (a-hem) he asked me to talk again tonight.    Please note, Friday night's discussion brought me to a dark place where I started to sound like I had downed a bottle of vodka and lived in a trailer park.  Not that there's anything wrong with trailer parks.   I actually think they are fun.  For a weekend!

So, the decision.    To talk again and risk losing my sanity, or go silent.  Not sure yet.    Will process throughout the day.

Speaking of the day, I have a wide open Sunday with no plans.  How awesome is that?    The only thing I want to do is get my nails done.  Have you ever tried shellac?    L.o.v.e.     My nails are dry and brittle and peel and break all the time.   so this keeps them looking half decent.     I should work, but don't wanna.

Well enjoy your day - don't party too much tonight.     Thought I'd leave you this - I adore it.

Hugs,

WHY. DON'T. YOU. JUST. LET. IT BE.

Ever thought about that?

That is all.

Hugs,
Susan

Guests Posts to come.

Realizing that more women than just I have pushed  the "reset" button, I have decided that I will have guest posters here who will share their "reset" story.

How many of us have hit "reset" or want to reset and just don't know how to do it?

Stay tuned for guests.

Hugs,
Susan.

ps.   Hugging is overrated. 

Meditation, 2010 Mara Ripasso, Grilled Lamb, and "Eat Pray Love"

It's Saturday night, the day before St. Patrick's Day (woo-hoo) (ok, whatever, who cares).    Oh, and my BFF (Natalie) has just reminded me that my "ex" husband's name is Patrick.   I suddenly hate St. Patrick's Day.  And I'm even a wee bit Irish.    Ryan's me last name.

I woke up this morning after having THEEEEEE worst confrontation of my life with "the jerk" (for the sake of this post, he's "the jerk" - I'll be nicer tomorrow).    When I woke this morning, I decided that the conversations with "the jerk" needed to leave every cell of my body, and how I would do this would be practicing my newly found meditation practice.      I stumbled across a free Meditation session at our local University and attended it last Saturday.     I must say, it was the most interesting and freeing experience of my life - yup, I think I can say that for sure.     You will likely hear me 'stretch the truth' a little for the purpose of an example, but seriously, this was ah-mazing.    I actually cried.   Yes, I cried.  That means nothing to you because you don't know me yet.  Crying does not come freely to me (hello Shrink, I am your perfect patient).    We were doing meditation and the Prof decided to use the "singing bowls".      W.E.L.L.     Tears pouring down my face.   Embarrassment extraordinaire.    But then realized everyone else had their eyes closed.    OMG I was crying in front of people (who had their eyes closed). 

So, I decided to resume my practice at home.  And what better time, than after a 'break up' conversation eh?  (thought I'd give this a little Canadiana).      So I moved some furniture out of the spare bedroom (where I'm sleeping - oh by the way, I pay the mortgage), and set up a little candle and put the pillow from my bed, and made my first attempt at meditating.    I liked it.  I wasn't good at it.   I had a really hard time emptying my thoughts, but felt it was a good effort.

So here I sit with my BFF now on this Saturday night, after a delicious dinner of grilled lamb, asparagus salad (see below), great wine (see title) and you guessed it, we are watching Eat Pray Love.    Did I mention that this past week I booked a trip to Nepal????  Oh, yes, I did.  I am 45 and I booked at 12 day yoga and meditation trip to Nepal trekking through the Himalaya's.      November 1st.  Scared has hell.   But liberated beyond belief.

I am staying over night, because I can't handle being in my own house, that I pay for solely.    I did burn some sage today in hopes it would remove all the bad energy.   Ask me if you don't know what smugging is (aka burning sage).

So am sacked out on the couch watching Eat Pray Love, and having gratitude for all the gifts in my life.

Happy for you to leave your input here.  If I don't agree, I'll just "press delete"   :)

Hugs,
Susan

ps.. I hate hugging :)

Time for a reset

Have you ever woken up and thought it obvious that you needed a "reset".    Like a "start-over" or "do-over"?  Or maybe, your reset button was pressed for you.      Or maybe you've been pressing it for years, and finally your system re-booted?

Well, that's what happened to me, and I've decided to chronical it, right here.    You know I thought turning 40 was a big milestone - worthy of blogging.    And then I thought the next weight loss attempt was worthy of a blog.     Or training for a half-marathon (which never happened by the way).

Well let me tell ya - I have a habit of not listening to that voice in my head and well, my reset button has just been....reset shall we say.  But in the most amazing way possible.

I have just broken up with my third (very) serious relationship (two marriages and a livein) and I am 45.    I woke up at 45 on anti-depressents, sleeping pills, in a marriage I despised, and 30 lbs over weight.      Push the reset button PLEASE!!!!!!    OMG how did that happen?   If someone would have told me all of this when I was 20 I wouldn't have believed it.    Who'd want to right?   Right?

And so, here I am - waiting for my "ex" husband to get home from his "full-time job" as a ski instructor (more on that - groan) so I can review a financial spreadsheet with him to buy him out of all things labeled "asset" - namely 2 houses.    It's 4:35 EST and I have poured my first glass of wine.

So welcome to my little home inside my home.   I'll be here alot - workin' stuff out.    Maybe someone will read this and find refuge in my stories.   This is my life, I own it, I got it, I'll fix it, and I will damn well push my "reset" button whenever the hell is pleases me from now on. :)

Hope you don't think I'm nuts - I'm not.  I actually have a great Corporate Exec job, lots of friends, two houses in the trendiest areas in my city, I just bought a brand new baby Prius (thank you reset button) and have a wonderful family.   I'm not crazy.  I just don't listen - ever - to that frackin' inner voice of mine.  What.  Is.  Up.  With.  That?????  

Here I will barf out every little whisper and if you're reading feel free to comment or tell me I'm crazy.  All good.   I'll just hit the delete button if I don't like it - ha, just kidding.

Thanks for dropping in - maybe we can be friends.

Hugs,
Susan

p.s.  I don't even like hugging! :-S