How soon is too soon?

There are so many views and perspectives out there regarding how soon is too soon to date after splits-ville.  There are some of us who claim to mourn the relationship while in it and it's crashing and burning, so by the time it's over, we're ready to move on.   There are others who who say they need a year and then after one year of alone time, they are ready.

Is there a right answer to this question?    I have to admit, I mourned my marriage for years while in it.  Hence the anti-depressants, sleeping ills and over consumption of wine.    I did everything I could to deny and ignore the reality I knew to be true.  Once I woke up, it was long over.    No more mourning.  No more sadness.   Rather, the work began on trying to understand how I allowed it to happen, why I allowed a person like this in to my life and the lives of the people I loved.

So I ponder - is there a right answer to this question?    I wonder what the ladies from Sex in the City say about this subject?    Well we know what Samantha would say :)

My thoughts are that it's very personal - but do wonder if there is a "rule of thumb" out there.

In the meantime, peace and clarity to all,

Namaste,

Hovering over the button

Well, here I am August 11 - a day after my 46 birthday, and 6 days until my ex-husband moves out of my house.   It's been a long.... like really long haul to get us here.    Painful to be quite frank.     That said the impending freedom is liberating as hell.    

Hence the name of this post.    I liken it to my hand hovering over a button - like on Jeapardy - and the minute I hit it, I'll know I've won.

You see, I can't get the guy thing right.   Never could.    Oh don't worry, I'm in some deep therapy to make sure this never happens again.    I first told him I wanted out last November (2012), he convinced me to do therapy - which was bogus.   I don't think either of us really wanted to be there.  I mean we missed an appointment and neither of us picked up a phone to reschedule.   It just died on the vine.     By February of this year, it was over.    For me anyway, which from my perspective, is all that matters.

Long story short, and tons of mediation and lawyers, we are six days away.   And I cannot be more thankful to be here.    And as I sit here on a Sunday night (seems to be my creative night), I wonder how many other people are stuck in marriages, they don't want to be in, and can't figure out how to get out of.    

I have to say, it's a hell of a lot of work, emotional stress, and money to get out of it.    But I am ready to hit that button next Saturday, oh and of course pay the locksmith, and buy an amazing bottle of champagne, and will enjoy every minute of the freedom I will feel - and give thanks to the divorce Gods for finally getting me to the end of this nightmare.

If you are reading this and feel you need to chat, I'm here for ya.    It would be my pleasure to help a fellow human find peace and tranquility within themselves and their own lives.

 Namaste,

Work the plan

Well it's Sunday night, and I'm nursing a @^&&*$#$  cold.    Oh ya - summer colds are the worst especially when it's 52 degrees celcius outside before the humidity.   OK a slight exageration. (is that a oxymoron - "slight exageration"?).

Anyway, I've started running again.    I've been an on-again, off-again type runner.  I'm kind of all or nothing so if I'm not blowing my brains out, I'm doing nothing.    Working on this wonderful trait.     While training for a half-marathon a few years back I got injured which took about a year to get recover.    Last weekend, I was catapulted back into it.   You see, I agreed last year during our city's Marathon weekend, that I would run the 10K rhis year with my out-of-town BFF.     Well you guessed it, last weekend arrived, and I realized I forgot to train.   Well "forgot".....let's just say I "forgot" to get my ass out the door on to the pavement.    But I ran it anyway - (stick to my word kinda girl = good trait)

I would also like to add that on the night before the run - which is when she arrived - was spent drinking pails of red wine, no water, and a late night dinner.    So, hangover and all, I hit the start line with my friend.   (Scared sh*tless I must tell you).    Thankfully, the weather was very cool.    Thank GAWD, as they might have found me passed out on the side of the route.   But, I made it.  And not even a bad race time!

What that proved was the following:
1.  we are in better shape than we think we are
2.  the body is capable of miraculous things ('cause last weekend was a miracle)
3.  there's a certain amount of 'sense of accomplishment' from just doing it (ahhh, so that's where Nike got that!)

But the story goes on.    A while back I had also signed up for another race scheduled for yesterday.    Sidenote:  I have this habit of drinking too much wine with my BFF (a marathoner) and signing up for these races - always seems like such a brilliant idea at the time.    Wine = marathon brain swimming in booze

OK so off we went out of town to our race and I did it again.   Yes, indeed, I ran another 10K, actually it was a half Half - so 10.55 km.    And the ironic part was it was through vineyards :)    Ironic yes?

All this to say, what this has done for me is given me the running bug again.   A timely bug, you see, as I am going through a separation for the 13th time (kidding, but feels like it), and it's a really nice focus other than who is going to get the frying pan.

It also feels great to invest in me again.     Running/training is a bit like life.     Slow and steady.   Focus on only good things.    Learn from the tough times and figure out what made them tough.    Be good to your body.   And things will work out just the way you planned.    

Just work the plan - and everything will fall into place.

Tell me, what are you doing (or have done) to focus on you?

Still alive and kicking - in more ways than one

It's been awhile since I've written here - I've been having some computer issues.    I'm currently shopping for a little computer of some kind.    Am thinking maybe an iPad or the Google Nexus 10 - if you have any recommendations would love to hear it.

Now, I am here to write about a story I heard today that not only horrified me, but it made me realize that there are more women in this situation other than I.    

I work with a woman who sits close to me - let's call her Alice - who told me a story about her childhood friend from 30 years ago.    They got together for the first time in 30 years last Thursday night.   Alice explained that this woman was the most popular girl in high school - and for all the right reasons - she was pretty, smart, and just a lovely person.   30 years later, she has four beautiful children, a great career and a "dead-beat" husband who hasn't worked in ten years.  

(Insert my story here:   my dead-beat husband hasn't worked in three years.   And that friggin' story ends right here!)

OK, so back to Alice's friend.    She hadn't seen Alice in 30 years, and Alice said her friend could hardly contain herself from sharing her story.   She so wanted to reach out and talk about it, but after 30 years, was it right?  was it appropriate?   Alice said she felt that when the night was over, her friend didn't want to leave.   Didn't want to go home - back to her life.

What horrifies me about this story....well it horrifies me, and it breaks my compassionate heart - is that there are more woman than she and I.    I can tell you many more stories just like hers and mine.    Women married to these men who have not one ounce of pride in their bones, who take advantage of women, and are just plain lazy asses.

Now don't get me wrong - this is not a "man bashing" blog.  Not at all.    I know lots of great men, and husbands.    But seriously, what is UP with these guys?    And I guess it's a fair question to ask - how do we women find ourselves in these situations?   with these people who take advantage of us?

Women!  Bond together and help a sister in a situation like this.    If you sense your friend wants to talk about it, invite her to do so.   Let her know she's safe in your company, and that your ears are hers as much as she needs.    It's so hard to admit this type of thing out loud.    Admitting that not only is your Prince Charming not so charming, but is actually emotionally abusing you (sorry, but that's what it is).    So so hard.    So be there, be present for the women in your life.   You just never know who is hurting, suffering, feeling smothered, emotionally abused or worse yet physically abused.

(source)

Sometimes we all need help to 'push reset' - but once we do, oh my, is it one of the most liberating and respectful things we can do fir our souls.

PUSH THE EFFING BUTTON!!!

Hugs,

Happy Easter

Well I'm back - took a small hiatus thinking I would wait to blog again on a different computer which I have yet to buy.    Damn tax season!

It's Easter Sunday morning and I sit here by myself (happy about that), thinking about Easter, and what it is that causes such celebration.    It seems everyone (well almost) celebrates Easter, even though they are not religious.    Christians celebrate the rising of Jesus Christ.   Non religious people, I think, celebrate spring and a little extra time to be with family.    In essence, spring is a re-birth of the earth as it wakes back up after a long cold winter. 

As I think about this, I realize that this is what this blog is about - it's about waking up after a long and cold winter (or many winters as life would have it), and being re-born.     Truly it is setting the "re-set button" and giving oneself permission to come back to life (or fight for your life).

I saw this on Pinterest yesterday and it really resonated with me:

There is a hymm in the Catholic religion (since it's Easter and all) that says, "Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me, and I will give you  rest."     Not to get too religious here, because I'm not, this message is one of trust that everything will work out, have faith that it will, and once you have faith that it will, you can be at peace.    

Happy Easter to you - may you have peace and enjoy the re-birth of the world.

Hugs,



Calmer. A little saner. And 10 frackin' cm of snow!

Work was crazy today.    With everything going on at home, I have been dropping the ball at work more and more.   Nothing drives me crazy more than when I drop the ball, and it's gets exposed.   Argghhh, I pride myself in doing good work for Pete's sake.  But there really is only so much room in the noggin'.

Did I tell you that in the last 8 weeks, I've had a flood in the basement, was in a car accident in which they wrote the car off (which brought me Paulina the Prius - thank you Universe), and am going through a separation.  And my work is the craziest it's ever been.   Whew - I have anxiety just thinking about it.

But you know - the Universe works in mysterious ways.  I think that all of this was happening to me so that I would sit up and listen.     Clearly I've been ignoring the big U in the sky, and, well, U has been pounding at my door.    I am listening 'Uni' - you can give me break now svp!

Expecting 10 cm of snow in the next two days.  Oh joy.  Oh bliss.     My Paulina hasn't seen this kind of weather - I will have to take good care of her tomorrow. 

K, must toddle of to bed. 
Night night,
Hugs and kisses (ya right!)

Susan

F*ck everything that doesn't make you happy - love this.

Oh ya!!!!

Hugs,